Spinach and Feta Cheese Pizza
by ilovefetamorethanyou
Summary: INTRUDER ALERT! WHY HAVE 76543333323 DUSKS GONE RENEGADE? TO YOUR BATTLE STATIONS, ORGANIZATION MEMBERS!
1. Chapter 1: Delivery!

**Spinach and Feta Cheese Pizza**

For ilovefetacheese, on her birthday (belated).

Disclaimer: I do not own Kingdom Hearts.

Chapter 1: Delivery

"INTRUDER ALERT INTRUDER ALERT INTRUDER ALERT!" a computerized male voice rang throughout the castle.

"Everybody, in your positions!!!" a blue-haired man named Saix yelled, waving a hand in the air, a most fearsome look on his face. "VIII, report!"

A tall man with menacingly spiked red hair warped immediately next to Saix, stepping out of a portal to darkness. "INTRUDER SPOTTED AT 1800 HOURS IN SECTOR -251, SIR!"

"What sector is that?!" Saix demanded, pulling up a holographic screen.

"GROUND FLOOR, SIR!"

"Vicinity?"

"CASTLE GATES!"

"Description?"

"MEDIUM-HEIGHT UNIDENTIFIED MALE OF UNKNOWN ETHNICITY. SPIKY BROWN HAIR STICKING OUT UNDERNEATH POINTY RED HAT. DRESSED IN A UNIFORM OF UNKNOWN ORIGIN, MOSTLY RED, HIGHLIGHTED BY A RED APRON-LIKE GARMENT. CARRYING SEVERAL SUSPICIOUS BOXES FROM WHICH AN UNKNOWN ODOR IS EMANATING. MAY BE TOXIC."

"You are dismissed. Report to your assigned position at once!" Saix commanded VIII, dismissing him with a wave of the hand. "VI! I need intel!"

"Yes, sir," a young man with grey hair, styled meticulously, materialized next to Saix, dressed in a long black cloak identical to the one Saix was wearing. The only difference between his outfit and Saix's was the pair of trendy eye-concealing black sunglasses he donned. "How can I assist you?"

"What is the source of the threat?" Saix ordered the boy to answer.

"An unidentified male of unknown nationality yelled a potentially threatening message outside of the castle gates, sir. We are unsure whether he is friend or enemy," VI spoke as he rifled through the black notebook in his hands, reading aloud from his carefully detailed report.

"Have you transcribed the message?"

"Yes, sir. Would you like a full report?"

"Read me the message, Zexion," Saix commanded, referring to the boy by name rather than by number.

"The message reads as follows:" Zexion stepped back and took a deep breath, "DELIVERY!"

A shocked look crossed Saix's face. "IMBECILES!" he cried, losing control over his calm façade, "Where is he now?!?"

"…" Zexion hesitated and looked at Saix, pushing his sunglasses a little farther up his nose. "…We are unsure, sir."

"WHAT DO YOU MEAN YOU'RE NOT SURE?!? WHAT IS GOING ON DOWN THERE? LUXORD, REPORT!" Saix yelled, jamming a button on the massive control panel in front of him. A blonde man armed with several guns appeared in hologram form, ammo strapped across his chest.

"Sir!" the man cried, hunched down behind a fallen marble column, "We need immediate backup!" A bullet whizzed within two inches of his nose, and machine gun fire could be heard from a distance.

"Report the situation, X!" Saix growled, gripping the edges of the hologram device, alarmed by the fire raging behind Luxord, also known as the number X, and the smoke clouding the air.

"An unidentified male of unknown national allegiance was spotted passing through the gummi ship hangar, sir, a strange scent wafting from his cargo!" the man glanced to his right and let loose a round of bullets, a feral snarl on his face. "DIE, #$(%#!"

"X! Your attention!"

"Oh, VII, Saix, yes. As I was saying – " he raised his gun and shot something off screen to his right. A howl was heard. " – My designated emergency battle position is within the hangar, sir, and I promptly reported here once I received an alert sent to my wristwatch by the gummi ship hangar's security system." Luxord glanced warily to his left and then his right, on the alert, "Anyways, sir, whatever was in those boxes lured millions of heartless and vagrant lower-level nobodies!" Luxord suddenly whirled around and sent two shots sailing over the ruined column which had once supported the hangar ceiling. Two inhuman sillouhettes were seen disintegrating behind him, a distance away. "We're being overrun, sir!" he gasped.

Saix just stared for a moment, pausing before speaking, "Are those… gunshots I hear, X?" Just then, Luxord ducked, and five bullets flew by over his head.

"Yes SIR! WE NEED BACK UP ASAP!"

"Zexion, what do you make of the situation? I was not aware that heartless bore arms." Saix turned to VI.

"X, are those heartless and nobodies armed?" Zexion inquired calmly, pushing his sunglasses onto his forehead, watching the scene before him.

"Affirmative! I don't know what that kid had in those boxes, but - %#&$!" Luxord fired repeatedly, stopping once to throw a burning playing card behind him. " – they really want it!" He ducked and a loud BOOM could be heard, and the rumble of collapsing columns only added to the cacophony.

"I think the ceiling could collapse sir! This is it! TELL LARXENE I LOVE HER! EEEYYYYYYYYYYYYAHHHHHHHHH TAKE THAT YOU %$&& &#&& &&%***!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" Luxord stood and backflipped over the fallen column that had once been his shield, firing madly at the black and white shadowy figures approaching him. He did a few more flips, growing distant, until he could no longer be seen through the smoke – only his war cries could be heard by Saix and Zexion. Soon, even those faded.

"ZEXION! Determine the location and identity of the intruder! Destroy whatever he is carrying! Bring him to me, DEAD OR ALIVE!" Saix ordered harshly.

Zexion smirked and readjusted his sunglasses, placing them firmly over his eyes. "Consider it done, VII." He disappeared into a portal.

Suddenly, a loud rumble emanated from several floors below, and the ground shook beneath Saix.

"Vexen! I need a damage report, IV!" An older man with long blonde hair appeared beside him.

"Lower labs 1, 2, and 3 in the basements are completely overrun with heartless and mutinous nobodies, sir!" IV reported, distraught.

Saix banged a fist on the table. "What more?!" he cried, furious.

"Sectors 2.5, 3.14, and 6 of the gummi ship hangar have collapsed!"

"Any word from X?!" Saix demanded, pushing a button on the control panel. "Luxord, do you read me? Luxord!" The hologram flickered out.

Vexen shook his head sadly. "We lost contact with him 5.2 minutes ago, sir. We are unsure of his whereabouts."

"Where are the rest? Has our army of dusks been ordered to defend the castle?" Saix needed answers, _now_.

"We have lost control over the lower level nobodies, sir. They seem to have gone beserk, and we suspect the cause may be whatever the intruder was carrying." Vexen whipped out a blinking device, upon which he promptly pressed the touch-sensitive screen in several places. "It seems Xigbar is gathering the rest of our nobody forces."

"GET ME XIGBAR!"

"Number II, do you read?" Vexen spoke into his phone-like device.

"Affirmative, IV."

Vexen hit a button and his gadget projected a beam of light onto the wall, forming the image of a large man with sinister black sideburns, hundreds upon thousands of strangely-shaped grey, silver, and white beings seemingly made of a strange, ethereal matter lined up behind him, constantly shifting shape, eager for battle.

"Report, II."

"I have assembled what's left of our army, sir. We are ready to move out."

"Numbers?"

"Approximately 15,000 nobodies have reported for duty. The lowest-level nobodies, the dusks, have all gone renegade."

"How many have deserted, II?"

"…we have lost approximately 76543333323 dusks to the rampage, sir. They've all gone mad."

"76543333323?!?" Saix reeled back from the shock, dismay and rage apparent on his face. "Can you overpower them?"

"We can try, sir."

"Try isn't good enough, Xigbar. We've already lost Luxord. We can't afford to lose you too," Saix growled, "Oh, and be careful, II. These heartless and nobodies are armed."

"What do you mean by armed, si - $*!!!" Bullets started raining over Xigbar's head and several of the lesser nobodies behind him disintegrated. "They're here! MOVE OUT! I REPEAT, MOVE OUT!" Xigbar looked one last time at Saix and Vexen. "I suppose this is goodbye, honorable comrades." Xigbar gave a solute towards Saix. "Give my regards to the superior when he returns. And please…" he bowed his head somberly, "Tell Larxene I love her. Xigbar, out." The camera turned to follow Xigbar as he ran towards a hoard of black and silver creatures, a warcry spilling from his throat as he whirled his lances around mightily. "EAT THIS, YOU #*$*''%$#%$#% $#%#$% $%$%!!!!!!!!!"

Saix put a hand to his forehead. "Complete your report, Vexen."

"Yes sir! The grounds surrounding the castle are currently surrounded by a swarm of heartless. The ground appears black!"

Saix looked out the window, surveying the grounds below.

"Indeed, Vexen," he put a hand to his chin, "The situation is grim. I must think of a way out of this."

"Currently no upper levels have been affected by the infestation, VII. Numbers VIII, XIII, and V are holding them at bay in the first floor hall, preventing them from entering the castle's main rooms. Numbers XII and XI are currently working to destroy the entrance to the gummi ship hangar in order to prevent the enemy from gaining access into the main castle." Vexen paused, a short silence during which a large BOOM sounded from several floors below. Vexen's gadget beeped. "…That would be them, sir."

Saix shook his head, frustrated. "And where is IX?!?" he demanded.

"…Sleeping, sir."

"SLEEPING?!?" Saix could hold his rage back no longer. "NINE. GET DOWN HERE IMMEDIATELY." He commanded, his voice threatening.

There was no response. IX failed to report.

"FOUR! PORTAL NINE HERE! I DON'T CARE IF HE'S IN HIS PAJAMAS, GET HIM HERE!" Saix ordered angrily, pointing at Vexen.

"Yes, sir!" Vexen disappeared into a mysterious black portal of darkness.

Moments later, he reappeared, holding a snoring blonde with a strange Mohawk by the collar of his pink Power Ranger pajamas. The blonde was holding a stuffed bear whose red shirt read "Pooh."

Saix stared in disgust as a string of drool descended from the mouth of the peacefully sleeping teen. "NINE!" He growled, "Awaken!"

The boy snored again, then mumbled sleepily, "Saix… I don't wanna… don't make me clean the bathrooms again… I promise I'll be a good boy… I won't bring anymore heartless home as pets and dress them up like my favorite Final Fantasy characters…" The boy ceased mumbling and started snoring again.

Saix groaned and commanded, "IV! DROP HIM!" upon which Vexen promptly released his grip on Number IX, who fell to the floor with a distinct "thud."

IX's eyes flew open and he sat up. "Owww," he moaned, rubbing his head. "Is the pizza here yet?" He blinked lazily.

"IMBECILE. WE ARE IN A STATE OF EMERGENCY AND ALL YOU CAN DO IS SLEEP?!?" Saix howled, infuriated by IX's lack of action.

"Whaa -? Emergency?" the boy innocently questioned, eyes wide with shock. The ground rumbled beneath the three men and IX put both hands on the floor to steady himself. He stood, questioning Saix: "What's going on?"

"WHILE YOU WERE SLEEPING, YOU USELESS LOAFER, APPROXIMATELY 76543333323 DUSKS DESERTED OUR ARMY AND DECIDED TO INVADE THE CASTLE, ALLIED WITH A MASS OF AS-OF-YET-UNCOUNTED HEARTLESS, ALL DUE TO AN UNIDENTIFIED INTRUDER WHOSE STATE OF ORIGIN HAS YET TO BE DETERMINED," Saix yelled, scaring the poor boy to death, "DO YOU UNDERSTAND?"

IX merely stared, unable to comprehend the situation.

"REPORT TO YOUR BATTLESTATION, BOY! Assist Axel, Roxas, and Lexaeus in holding off the swarm at the first floor hall!" The boy didn't budge. "MOVE, DEMYX!" Saix commanded IX, referring to his name, which seemed to shock Demyx out of his stupor.

"YESSIR," IX declared, saluting Saix, "I WILL REPORT TO MY POSITION AND DEFEND THIS CASTLE UNTO MY DEATH, SIR. DEMYX, REPORTING FOR DUTY!" IX portaled out of the grey room.

"WHAT IN TARNATION IS GOIN' ON, VEXEN?" Saix screamed. Apparently Saix had a country twang that only slipped out when he was stressed and in a panic, "WHY'RE THERE GUN-TOTIN' HEARTLESS AND NOBODIES HEREBOUTS?"

Vexen just shook his head sadly, "I have no idea, sir. Have you heard from the superior? Is he aware of the situation?"

"No," Saix frowned, "His current location is unknown. He left me in charge of the castle 2.43 days ago before heading out on a 'special mission,' he said. He failed to inform me of the specifics."

"How… bizarre, VII." Vexen quirked an eyebrow, then looked quickly at his telephone-like gadget when it started buzzing. "The entire gummi ship hangar is now engulfed in flames sir, and there is still no word from Luxord. There is a security breach in Sector 28 – it seems the renegades have found a way into the air duct system, sir. Lab 5, Lab 7, the Conservatory, and the greenhouse have all been destroyed, sir. I recommend utilizing the castle's defense system and opening fire on the heartless surrounding the structure before they scale the walls, sir."

"Yes, yes, of course. Where is our defense specialist? NAMINÉ!" At his cry, a petite young girl with pale skin and long blonde hair appeared from a portal to darkness.

"SIR!" she cried, saluting Saix, "I have received a distress signal from X! It seems he is alive among the ruins of the gummi ship hangar!"

"X is alive?!" Saix exclaimed, surprised, "XIV! Report to the grey room at once!"

Another young girl appeared, dressed in a black cloak, her black hair contrasting Naminés blonde locks.

"Sir! Xion, Number XIV, reporting for duty! How may I assist you?" the girl inquired, saluting.

"XIV! I need you to embark on a rescue mission at once! Naminé will give you the details!"

Naminé turned to Xion, a pen and legal pad in hand. "14.2 minutes ago an S.O.S. signal was received from Sector 2.3 of the gummi ship hangar, sent to the defense and security center from Luxord's wristwatch. The entirety of the hangar is aflame, and could collapse at any moment. Exercise the utmost caution when carrying out this mission." Naminé looked to Saix for further commands.

"Eliminate as many heartless and dusks as possible. They are armed and will not hesitate to shoot you." Saix commented.

"Affirmative." Xion shook her head determinedly. "I will return ASAP with Luxord. I will not fail you." She stepped into a dark portal she made with a wave of her hand, disappearing.

"I must return to my battle station, VII," Vexen spoke up, "XI and XII request immediate back-up in the kitchen. Apparently the heartless have decided to try their hand at cooking, and the result is not pretty."

Saix nodded grimly, "You are dismissed, IV. Destroy them!" After Vexen disappeared, Saix turned to Naminé.

"Naminé," he began, "It is time to activate the castle defense system. I need you to bring out the big guns."

Naminé smiled. "Of course, sir. Weaponry is my specialty." Naminé walked over to the control panel and sat at the comfortable chair waiting for her. She hit a few buttons and a holographic screen popped up, showing a live view of the activity outside the castle. "Mario!" she commanded, activate program D2467 at once! Authorization code: 903459NAM. I need full control of the castle's weapons system immediately."

"Mario?" Saix inquired, confused.

"That's the name of the castle sir. The Castle That Never Was is officially named Mario." She turned to face him briefly. "Pardon me sir, but I must request that you report to _your_ battle station. As number 0, defense specialist of this castle, I now take immediate control as specified by Xemnas's decree Part 786, Section 8.5. For verification, you can always ask Zexion." Naminé smiled sweetly. "Now, if you'll excuse me, VII, I've got some heartless to kill."


	2. Chapter 2: FOOLS

**Spinach and Feta Cheese Pizza**

Enjoy, everyone, and Happy New Year!

Disclaimer: I do not own Kingdom Hearts.

Chapter 2: Fools

"Mmmm. What smells so goooooooood?" Demyx wondered aloud as he eliminated heartless after heartless with his sweet serenades of doom. He plucked a note on his sitar and a dusk to his right disintegrated. Demyx sniffed the air, looking around.

"Hey, Axel!" Demyx called to his red-haired friend who was valiantly fighting off heartless, viciously swinging and sending his flaming chakrams through dastardly dark creature after dark creature. "DO YOU SMELL THAT?"

"WHAT WAS THAT, NINE? YOU WANT ME TO FELL THAT DUSK FOR YOU?" Axel swung his chakram around, shooting it within a centimeter of Demyx's nose, slicing off a few of the bangs hanging in his face.

"NO!" Demyx yelped as he rammed his sitar into a dusk that got just a _little_ too close, "DO YOU SMELL THAT MOUTHWATERING, DELICIOUS, ALLURING AROMA?!"

"What _aro_ – oh God, what is that _awful_ smell? It smells like… spinach!" Axel gagged a little before slaughtering a cluster of particularly vicious heartless.

"What are you talking about? It smells so _goo_- "

"INTRUDER!!!" the blonde haired companion of the two fighters , a few paces away, interrupted Demyx's train of thought. "Look! Over there! We found him!" The boy who issued the warning was quite a bit shorter than the other two, and was carrying a large, metal key with which he was ruthlessly killing swarms of heartless and renegade nobodies.

Axel, Demyx, and their fourth comrade, a large, muscular man named Lexaeus, all turned their heads in the direction the boy was indicating with his key.

Axel squinted while slicing another heartless. He could just barely make out a foreign figure through the smoke and the heartless and the nobodies. The only thing notable about the stranger was that he was dressed in bright red and wearing an oddly shaped hat, the likes of which Axel had never seen before.

"VIII, IX, XIII," the broad-shouldered, tough looking man grunted, "Take care of the situation here. I will follow the intruder. I leave you in charge, VIII"

"Yes sir, V!" Axel stood straight and saluted Lexaeus. Number 5 ran towards the doorway into which the mysterious intruder had disappeared.

"Hmm," Demyx mused, strumming his sitar lightly. "The smell is fading away."

"Watch it!" the smaller blonde scolded as he slashed at a nobody that creeped up behind Demyx.

"Whoa! Thanks, Roxas!" Demyx addressed number XIII, the blonde.

"My pleasure," he snarled as he attacked a few more enemies. "Axel! We need to barricade the entryway somehow!"

"I'm _thinking_," Axel hissed, preoccupied by the nobodies relentlessly charging at him. "If only this place weren't made of _marble_…" Axel really, really wanted to just burn the entire hallway to the ground, but with nothing flammable around, that wasn't exactly an option.

"Ah!" Axel heard Demyx cry to his right, "It _shot_ at me! It _shot _– HOLY – IS THAT A GUN?" Demyx shielded his head with his sitar and ran through the swarm of heartless to hide behind a tall pedestal, upon which a large vase was sitting. Axel could only watch as bullets flew through the air towards Demyx, shattering the vase into a million tiny shards.

"Watch out, Roxas!" Axel yelled, making his way towards his blonde friend, "This wave of heartless is _armed_."

"_Armed?_" Roxas screeched, but continued to hack at heartless despite his shock, "What do you mean, _armed_?" At that moment, several bullets whizzed towards Roxas, and he just barely managed to block them with his keyblade.

"_Ahem_," Axel commented, "Armed as in guns, bullets, and smoke, as I believe you now realize."

"What are they _after_?" Roxas hissed, blocking a few more bullets, making sure his keyblade was never far from his body, lest he risk a gunshot wound.

"I don't KNOW," Axel yelled as he took his frustration out on a dusk. He glanced right and left warily, disintegrating a dusk approaching Roxas with one sweep of his deadly chakram. He eyed one of the hallway's large columns and debated knocking it over into the sea of enemies.

Fortunately (or unfortunately?) that decision was made for him. Just as Axel was about to send his chakrams into the base of the column, effectively slicing through it, the column crumbled to pieces along with the stretch of wall behind it, spreading rubble amongst the mass of foes.

"What the – "

Roxas, Axel, and Demyx (who was peeping out from behind the pedestal) could only stare as a massive white tank, emblazoned with the nobody symbol and so tall it almost reached the ceiling, emerged from the smoke, crushing heartless and renegade dusks under its wheels as it rolled lazily through the large hole it created.

"VIII! IX! XIII! The situation here is now under control! Report to Number 0 for further orders!" Saix's voice boomed from the tank's speakers. The tank continued to roll over the comparatively tiny heartless and began shooting the swarm entering through the tall double-doors.

Axel whistled and exclaimed "That tank is one of our loyal upper nobodies! I can't believe he's in there!"

"Whatever!!! Let's just get out of here!!!" Demyx cried, and immediately stepped through a dark portal. Axel and Roxas quickly followed, leaving Saix in charge of the situation in the hallway.

"!" was the last cry from Saix the trio heard before portalling out.

***

Lexaeus ran after the mysterious intruder, continuing to watch the red figure as he made his way through the smoke.

_Where is he going?_ Lexaeus wondered _What is he aft_-

"Oof!" Lexaeus cried out as an oversized book hit him from above, falling to the floor in an instant knock out. A black-cloaked comrade dropped down from the ceiling, having portalled out of nowhere above the fallen number five.

"The intruder is _my_ target." The mischievous comrade pulled back his hood, revealing the blue-grey hair of Zexion, VI. He looked down on the knocked out Lexaeus, slumbering peacefully on the floor. Zexion picked up his book and without even a second glance, left Lexaeus, vulnerable, and headed toward the hallway into which the red-clad intruder had disappeared.

"I'm onto you, intruder," Zexion whispered, "I can smell you from a mile away."

***

"Ahahahaha!" a blonde-haired woman cackled, "Take that, you pathetic dusks!"

She and a pink-haired man were admiring their handiwork: together, they had destroyed several of the marble pillars in the hallway leading into the gummi ship hangar, as well as part of the roof of the gummi ship hangar. All of the rubble was piled in front of the entryway, denying access to the castle from without.

"High five, Larxene," the man suggested to the female in a deep voice, pulling down his hood, unleashing a whirlwind of rose petals which sliced through several of the heartless approaching the duo.

Larxene just looked at him incredulously. "Like you did any of the work, Marluxia," she snapped snootily. "I was the one who zapped those columns."

"And who, exactly," Marluxia enunciated smoothly with a flip of his pink hair, "brought down the hangar roof _and_ protected you during the entire process?"

"Hmph." Larxene did not grace him with a reply, merely crossed her arms and stuck her nose in the air. "Gaah!" she shrieked and zapped several dusks approaching her and Marluxia.

"Why must you be so… unrefined, Larxene?" Marluxia asked tiredly, and sighed, "You should at least _try_ to be more ladyli – DIE – " he sliced through several heartless with his scythe and continued speaking, "Ahem, excuse me, ladylike."

"Why don't _you_ try to be a little more MANLY?" Larxene spat, unleashing a lightning bolt that shot out just a _little_ too close to Marluxia. Three dusks that had been approaching him from behind sizzled and disintegrated.

Marluxia sighed again, "When are you going to just accept that I am the _perfect_ man, Larxene?" He waved a hand and rose petals drifted out from within his sleeve, forming a tornado that ripped through the swarm of oncoming foes, tossing limp heartless and dusks left and right.

"PERFECT MY – " Larxene began to screech, but was interrupted abruptly by the voice of another cloaked comrade appearing next to her.

"XI. XII. Could you please stop bickering for once?" Vexen put a hand to his head and sighed, already tired of these two's antics.

"NO," Larxene and Marluxia declared in unison.

Vexen just shook his head, then looked up. "Didn't you two request backup in the _kitchen_? Why are you still out here?"

Larxene and Marluxia looked at each other. "You imbecile, Marluxia. Is food and plants all you think about?" Larxene commented rudely.

"_I_ certainly didn't request backup, let alone in the kitchen," Marluxia sniffed, offended, "And personally, I'm insulted that you thought we needed backup at all."

"You MORON, _I_ didn't send in that request! Where's your wristwatch?!"Larxene shrieked, in a fury.

Marluxia looked at his wrist curiously. "My wristwatch-gadget seems to be missing."

Vexen looked at the two sternly. "You two FOOLS spent so much time bickering that someone, quite possibly the _intruder_, stole your high tech wristwatch, designed specially by me, and requested reinforcements in the kitchen. He's probably in the kitchen now, waiting to AMBUSH US!"

Larxene and Marluxia just stared at Vexen.

"Don't insult us!" the two cried, and glared at Vexen.

Larxene sighed and lazily zapped a few more heartless. "Ugh, let's just go catch that ignorant intruder. This is getting boring."


	3. Chapter 3: The Intruder Revealed

**Spinach and Feta Cheese Pizza**

A/N: Wow dudes. This is a long chapter. And trust me, it's been a long time coming. BUT IT'S HERE AND THAT'S WHAT MATTERS. Now, for the grand finale of………………… SPINACH AND FETA CHEESE PIZZA! Enjoy, my lovely readers, enjoy. And go order yourself a large spinach and feta cheese pizza. It's good. Seriously.

Disclaimer: I do not own Kingdom Hearts or any of its affiliations.

Chapter 3 (THE LAST CHAPTER!!!): The Intruder Revealed

5 minutes earlier

"Huh? What a cool watch!" the red-clad intruder exclaimed as he made his way through the smoke filled room. "What's this button do? Whoops!" He dropped the watch when it started to blink, a bright red light pulsing. He bent down and picked it back up. "Hmm…" the boy shrugged and slipped it into the front pocket of his red apron.

***

Zexion stuck his nose in the air and sniffed. "Spinach… and mozzarella… and tomatoes…" he mumbled as he climbed soundlessly over the bodies of fallen heartless. He squinted as he stepped into a portion of the hallway completely smothered in smoke, the paintings on the walls in flames. _Axel must have been here_, he thought and scowled. _That oaf_. Zexion frowned as he realized the scent was growing stronger, and he strained to make out the figure of the intruder a distance down the hallway. The silhouette seemed to have stopped moving.

_What is he looking at?_ Zexion wondered, his brain whirling. Zexion summoned his lexicon and approached cautiously. The boy seemed to be trying to choose between three doors at the end of the hallway.

"What is your business here?" Zexion questioned calmly once he was a meter away, in a low crouch, his book up, shielding half his face.

"Gah!" the intruder cried, startled. He whirled around and ran a hand through his hair nervously. "I didn't think there was anyone alive in this place!"

"…" Zexion simply stared, ready for attack.

"Uhhh… anyways… oh! DELIVERY!" The boy smiled sheepishly and offered the stack of fifteen thin boxes to Zexion

Zexion sighed and disappeared in a whirl of black.

"Eh?!" the intruder reeled back, startled. "Ugh!" he cried when Zexion's lexicon landed on his head with a distinct _thud_.

Zexion reappeared from a dark portal and stuck his nose in the air. "Hmph." He looked down at the fallen intruder and circled him slowly. "Now let's see what's in these boxes." Zexion bent down and picked up one of the square boxes which had tumbled onto the floor, out of the boy's arms. "Destiny Islands Pizzeria," he read, and raised an eyebrow. He quickly lifted the lid of the box and peered in side "Oh my – !"

***

"0!" Axel cried as he, Roxas, and Demyx all reported to Naminé, as Saix had requested. "REPORTING FOR DUTY!"

"VIII! IX! XIII! There's been a severe security breach! Barricade the doors and have your weapons ready!" Naminé cried out from in front of a large screen showing the intense skirmishes taking place in the castle courtyard. Her brow was wrinkled in deep concentration as she shot, using the castle's main guns, at heartless after heartless, trying to avoid any of the Organization's remaining loyal soldiers.

"YES MA'AM!" Axel cried, and danced into position in front of the gigantic door.

"You're enthusiastic," Roxas muttered dryly, quickly tiring of the endless onslaught.

"I AM ALWAYS READY FOR BATTLE!" Axel cried, quickly dropping into a battle pose.

"That's the spirit!" Naminé agreed wholeheartedly, "DIE, LITTLE – OHMYGOD." The girl cut off her battle cry with a gasp, throwing her hands over her mouth.

"What?" Roxas inquired, alarmed, thinking that the castle was about to collapse, or some other catastrophic event was about to take place.

"…."

"What?!" he demanded again, slightly panicking.

"…I just shot Xigbar."

"WHAT?!" Axel, Roxas, and Demyx all shouted in unison, turning quickly to face her.

"I – I – I didn't – I didn't see him! There's too much smoke down there! It's impossible to get a clear shot rig- LOOK OUT!" Naminé whipped a small gun off the control panel where it was lying and sent three quick shots behind the group, one of them whizzing within a centimeter of Roxas's perfectly coiffed tallest blonde spike.

The trio whirled around and hacked and slashed at the nobodies and heartless swarming underneath the gap between the floor and the bottom of the door, melting into the room and then assuming their full, 3D forms.

"How did they get up here?! " Demyx grunted as he strummed his sitar, sending a flood of water underneath the door, hoping to discourage any more creatures from entering.

"I believe there is a traitor amongst us," the wise voice of Zexion answered as he appeared in the room, stepping gingerly from a dark portal, kicking a heartless away with his leg, the unconscious body of the intruder slung over his shoulder and a pile of boxes balanced precariously on his other hand.

"One of us let the renegades in the castle?!" Demyx asked, too stunned to kill the dusk stretching its lethal grey tendrils toward him. Naminé quickly offed it, firing over her shoulder with one hand as the other manipulated the castle arms controls deftly.

"Report, VI," Naminé ordered calmly, her grief over shooting Xigbar gone without a trace.

"It seems that the contents of these boxes, which is the source of all this madness, was ordered by a member of the Organization approximately one hour and 15 minutes ago." Zexion paused to adjust his sunglasses. "As for how they reached this room, well, Marluxia, Larxene, and Vexen were unable to hold them back on the lower levels. They should be joining us soon in an effort to prevent the swarm from totally overtaking the castle. This room is our last stronghold."

"IV, XI, and XII reporting, Zero!" Vexen announced as he, Marluxia, and Larxene tumbled out of a dark portal, all three nursing wounds. "The hallways have been consumed by the heartless! Our effort to defeat the mass of enemies in the kitchen has failed! We have been forced to retreat!"

"So… many…" Larxene hissed, clutching her shoulder where a bullet had grazed her skin.

"My…hair…" Marluxia mumbled, staring at a few burnt wisps of once-pink-now-brown hair. "Larxene fried it…"

"I'm sorry, but thundaga was the only way get out of there alive! Did you _see_ those things?" Larxene retaliated, defensive.

"I'm sorry your aim is so poor, but a rose petal whirlwind would easily have done the job," Marluxia responded calmly, still staring at his hair in dismay.

"In that confined space?" Larxene snorted. "I got you out of there _alive_. Excuse me, but I prefer a few burnt strands of hair over being sliced to pieces by your girly attack anyday."

"That's _enough_," Naminé ordered, silencing the room. "Zexion, report. Have you caught the intruder?"

"Yes, ma'am." Zexion tossed the unconscious boy onto the tiled floor. The boy grunted in his sleep.

"Finally, someone who knows what he's doing." Naminé sighed. "Now tell us, Zexion; what is this mysterious cargo driving the heartless mad?"

Instead of responding, Zexion merely put the pile of boxes on the ground and flipped open the top of the first one.

The room was silent.

"…What… is it?" Demyx asked, in awe. "It smells… delicious."

"What a divine scent," Marluxia commented, fluttering his eyelashes and breathing in deeply.

"I've never seen anything like it," Roxas commented.

Axel snorted, "I've never seen anything so _disgusting_."

"You, Axel, have no class," Larxene retorted, "For once I agree with you Marluxia; it smells heavenly."

"What a mysterious substance," Vexen remarked, "In all of my research, I've never heard tell of such an astounding creation."

"Who ordered it, Zexion?" Naminé inquired sternly from her post behind the controls.

"The order sheet only says 'Organization XIII.'" Zexion held up the slip of paper he had confiscated from the unconscious boy's apron pocket.

Larxene zapped a few heartless that had slipped under the door while Zexion had been talking. "So how are we going to stop this MADNESS?" she bellowed, fed up.

"I believe the solution is simple," Zexion replied, "Just give the creatures what they want."

Everybody stared at him.

"But…" Roxas looked genuinely sad as he stared at the boxes.

Even Larxene felt a tug at her cold non-heart when she saw how forlorn and adorable the poor boy looked, almost close to tears.

Naminé, the only one unaffected by Roxas's heart-wrenching appearance (since she was only a little distracted, joyfully killing heartless, nobodies, and the occasional organization member that strayed into her view), gave the order: "Take the boxes and run, Zexion. Lead them far away from here." Then she laughed maliciously. "Preferably into a tiny town called Radiant Garden. They'll never know what hit them." Yeah, Naminé secretly loved doing the Organization's dirty work.

A cruel smirk graced Zexion's features as he picked up the boxes with a flourish, "It would be my pleasure."

"We can't keep just one box?" Roxas' pleaded quietly, a hint of desperation in his voice.

"We can always order more, kiddo," Larxene, feeling uncharacteristically maternal, tried to comfort him. "Actually, we can go _out_ to eat. I don't think we really want a repeat of this situation."

Everyone in the room shivered when thinking about their current circumstances.

"Well that does it then. Everybody, hold your positions until Zexion has removed the source of the threat and the belligerents have deserted the castle." Naminé went back to firing madly at heartless. "Vexen, keep watch over the intruder. After all this is over, I would like to question him and discover who the traitor is."

"Certainly."

"I'll be going now," Zexion hoisted the boxes up with ease, and tossed a business card at Roxas before stepping through a portal to darkness.

"Destiny Islands Pizzeria?" Roxas quirked an eyebrow as he read the card aloud.

"I'll take you there later, sweetie," Larxene patted the boy on the head.

"Ohh," Roxas nodded in understanding. "So that was the dish somebodies refer to as _pizza_?"

"Not just _any_ pizza, naïve one," Marluxia interjected, "That was a certain, _heavenly_ variety of pizza known only as – "

"XIV reporting for duty, ma'am! The swarm is retreating! I repeat, the heartless and dusks are retreating!" Xion materialized in the room, the body of an older, blonde haired man in her arms. She struggled for a moment and then collapsed under his weight.

"Luxord!" Vexen cried and went to help the frail girl before she dropped her heavy load, assisting her as she attempted to place the man gently on the floor. "We thought you were dead!"

"…Luck was on my side…" the man moaned, rolling over onto his stomach and wincing. "A ceiling beam fell on my back."

"I found him buried among the rubble, ma'am," Xion saluted Naminé. "It was all I could do to keep the heartless from shooting him, ma'am. As soon as they stopped firing and began retreating I was able to move the rubble and bring him here."

Naminé nodded solemnly and looked around. "That means that the only ones missing are Saix, Xaldin, Lexaeus, and… Xigbar." Everyone in the room looked around nervously. Naminé paused for a moment, then ordered, "Marluxia, please retrieve Xigbar's body from the courtyard."

"Why do _I_ have to do all the hard work around here?" Marluxia questioned and sighed, flipping his hair as he conjured a portal. He disappeared through it before Larxene could throw a snarky comment at him.

"Where is Lexaeus? Wasn't he supposed to be with you three?" Naminé addressed Axel, Roxas, and Demyx.

The trio looked at each other, puzzled. "The last time we saw him was…" Axel put a hand on his chin, then snapped. "Oh yeah! Now I remember! Roxas saw the intruder and Lexaeus went after him!"

"Goodness, how much does Xigbar _eat_?" Marluxia muttered darkly as he lugged the motionless body of Xigbar through a portal, interrupting the serious exchange.

Naminé shot Marluxia a glare as Zexion spoke up. "I found him unconscious in the hallway as I was following the intruder's trail," he explained. "I can go retrieve him, if you wish."

"Please do, Number VI." Naminé nodded as he turned to leave. "Now, does anyone know the locations of Numbers III and VII?"

"They are currently manning the nobody tank that was defending the lower levels," Vexen answered quickly.

"Of course. III, VII, REPORT!" Naminé ordered to the air, and as soon as the words left her mouth, the two men were stepping out of a portal to darkness.

"Greetings, Zero." Xaldin and Saix saluted. Saix spoke up "The lower levels are now secure. Not a heartless in sight."

"Very well," she nodded.

Zexion returned with Lexaeus, who was still out cold.

"Demyx, wake the intruder."

Demyx nodded and strummed his sitar, causing a waterfall to cascade down on the poor boy in red.

"Ah!" the boy cried, and sat up quickly, shaking his head and looking around wildly. "Where am I?!?"

"You were caught trespassing in the Castle that Never Was. Explain your purpose here," Zexion interrogated coldly, a glint in his eyes.

"I don't know anything! I – I – I'm just a pizza delivery boy!" the brown-haired youth cried, throwing his hands up in the air. His eyes grew wide when he saw the gun Naminé was pointing at him.

"Who ordered the pizza?" Naminé hissed, her eyes narrow.

"I – I – I don't know!!! I'm just the delivery boy! I swear!" he waved his arms wildly in the air, obviously distressed. He paused and looked around "Where – where's the pizza?" The boy put his hands over his eyes and started moaning. "The boss is going to _killlllll_ meeeeeeee."

The black-cloaked Organization members in the room all looked at each other, silent.

"Why don't we just let him go," Larxene sighed, looking bored and still feeling a slight maternal twinge within her chest, "He obviously doesn't know anything. Look at him, he's practically in tears."

Naminé nodded curtly. "All right. Axel, open up a dark portal to Destiny Islands. Oh and before you go, here." Naminé handed the boy a stack of bills, equal to the cost of the pizza. "I think that should cover it."

"Thank you so much, ma'am! Enjoy your pizza, wherever it is!" the boy looked much happier as Axel shoved him through a portal.

"Bye, kid. Nice meeting you," Axel snorted as the boy stumbled through the portal.

"You too!" The Organization members watched him wave goodbye before Axel closed the portal.

"What a freakshow," Larxene commented meanly, back to her old self.

"Wait a second," Marluxia asked, curious, "Did anybody read his nametag?"

Everybody shook their heads, except Demyx, who was deep in thought.

"I think it said, um… it started with an 'S,' I'm positive. Ummm… Sori? Soro? Sora? Yeah, that's it! Sora!" he decided happily, glad he remembered.

Every conscious member in the room stared at him.

"Sora?" Vexen questioned incredulously, "Sora as in – "

"The KEYBLADE MASTER?!?" Saix yelled, angry, "WHY DIDN'T ANYONE RECOGNIZE HIM, YOU FOOLS?!?"

The Organization members all looked bewildered, and ran their hands through their hair nervously.

"How were we supposed to tell, while he was wearing that ridiculous hat?" Marluxia sighed, fingering a curl, "It hid his characteristic bad-hair-day style."

"And since when does he wear an apron?" Larxene demanded, insulted.

"That pizza just smelled soooo good," Demyx moaned, "I was entranced."

"This must NEVER happen AGAIN. Xemnas will have our HEADS if he finds out what happened here today," Saix roared, furious.

"Well then, we just won't tell him," Larxene suggested, and shrugged.

"Does anyone know where the superior _is_?" Naminé asked, looking around. Nobody had an answer.

"What are you all doing here?" a deep voice sounded out as a dark portal opened in the middle of the room, "And why is the Castle practically _destroyed_?" A scary, silver-haired man exited the portal, demanding an explanation.

"There was an intruder, Superior," Saix explained calmly, bowing to the Superior. "The situation has been taken care of."

"Oh really?" the Superior questioned, eyebrow raised, "I trust the crisis has been averted and everything will be repaired within – are those _bullet_ wounds I see in Xigbar's shoulder? Is he alive?" the Superior was furious now, coming back from his mission to find the castle in shambles and one of his trusted associates fatally wounded.

"Errr…" Naminé ran a hand through her long blond hair nervously, "About that…"

"He is alive, Xemnas, but barely," Vexen declared, saving Naminé, "The bullets missed his vital areas."

Xemnnas put a hand to his brow, feeling a headache coming on. "You can report the details to me later. I have had a long day and do not wish to be bothered right now. Has my pizza been delivered?"

All eyes in the room stared at him in disbelief.

"_You_ ordered the pizza?" Naminé asked cautiously, not wanting to anger the Superior.  
"Yes. Specifically, I ordered thirteen extra large spinach and feta cheese pizzas. Has something happened to my pizza?" Xemnas asked suspiciously, the beginnings of hunger forming in his stomach.

"YOU," Saix growled, no longer caring that he was talking to Number I. "_YOU BROUGHT THIS DESTRUCTION UPON US_." He pointed viciously at Xemnas. "RAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!" Saix put his hands to his forehead and howled.

"I can't believe this," Larxene stated, obviously irritated. "You mean Destiny Islands Pizzeria wasn't actually trying to invade the castle?"

"My hair got burnt for _your_ fine dining?!?" Marluxia demanded, tugging at his once beautiful hair.

"I didn't even get any pizza!" Roxas crossed his arms and pouted.

"I took five _bullets_ for _pizza_?!?" Xigbar sat up, growling. Vexen had managed to wake the wounded man, after administering several potions to him.

"A column _collapsed_ on me while I was defending this castle, to the _death_, for your midnight snack?!?" Luxord hissed, still lying on his stomach.

"I can't believe I had to drive a tank with this insane freak over here for your pizza," Xaldin gestured toward Saix, "Did you guys know he has a country accent when he's distressed? Do you have any idea how freaky it is to hear him talk like that?"

Saix glared at Xaldin.

"Man, Xemnas, you really put us in a bad place there," Axel sighed, shaking his head.

"I thought I was going to die," Demyx seconded, a little too cheerfully.

"I didn't get any pizza," Roxas repeated again, depressed, looking at the ground.

Zexion frowned, "Where were you for the last 2.43 days, Xemnas?"

Xemnas looked at him sternly, "I was on a special reconnaissance mission of vital importance to Destiny Islands when I discovered the pizzeria."

"Vital importance?" Xion questioned, daring to challenge the Superior.

"Of course." Xemnas crossed his arms over his chest, defensive.

"What kind of information did you gather?" Vexen asked, curious.

"Err…" Xemnas paused, hesitating.

"You went to the beach, didn't you," Naminé whispered, and everyone stood in silence, shocked.

"Errrr…" Xemnas looked around uncomfortable.

"YOU. WENT. TO. THE. BEACH?!?!?!?!?!?!?!" everyone in the room (except Lexaeus, who was unconscious), cried raising their fists and weapons, assuming battle stations.

"Errr… No! Well, um… YES! YES I DID!" Xemnas declared, the wheels in his brain turning. "Yes, I did, actually. But not for myself!!! You see, I was scouting the perfect place for a group vacation! Yes, that's it! You are all getting the weekend off! It's a vacation! I will, um, make the reservations now! Yes, how does that sound?" Xemnas looked proud of himself for thinking up that last minute solution, and hoped it would fool his minions.

The Organization members all looked at each other, and one by one, they relaxed and put down their weapons.

"Well, if you say so," Axel agreed cheerfully, "Let me go get my swimming trunks!"

"Can we get Spinach and Feta Cheese Pizza, Axel?" Roxas looked up at him, innocently questioning.

"Of course!" Axel agreed, "You, me, and Xion!"

"The three of us!" Xion added as the three companions stepped through a dark portal to go pack.

"The sun will do wonders for my skin," Marluxia gushed, looking excited. "Larxene, do you have some suntan lotion I can borrow?"

"No, but I have a bikini you can have," Larxene said with a false sweetness, and Marluxia glared at her.

"Thank you, but I'll pass," he said daintily as he opened a portal to darkness, "I have my own swimwear."

"Oh, the daisy-patterned swim trunks I bought you for your birthday?" Larxene cackled hysterically as she followed the man through the portal. They disappeared before Marluxia could respond.

"I need a vacation," Saix sighed, rubbing his forehead and portalling out of the room.

"Too much excitement for one day," Xaldin agreed, and quickly followed suit.

"I'm going to the beach, baby!" Demyx cried excitedly, and left to go pack.

"I'm sure I could gather some most useful data there," Vexen said thoughtfully, and portalled down to his labs, taking Lexaeus with him for medical treatment.

"Sunbathing sounds really good right now," Luxord groaned as he attempted to sit up, his back aching. "I need to relax." He dropped through a dark portal he opened in the floor.

"I will need to learn to swim. Perhaps I can have Demyx teach me," Zexion muttered thoughtfully, and then ventured out of the room to find Demyx.

"I hope there are hotsprings," Xigbar stated as he staggered through a dark portal.

"I'll finally get to wear that new frilly, polk-a-dotted bathing suit I bought on sale from Neiman Marcus!" Naminé clapped happily, sounding more like a teenage girl than the ruthless killer she had been just a few minutes ago.

As soon as everyone was gone, Xemnas sighed and collapsed in a chair. "Whew." He wiped the sweat off his brow, "That was close. I thought they were going to kill me." He swiveled in his chair to face the control panel. He sighed again as he picked up the telephone receiver and dialed a few numbers.

"Hello, you have reached Destiny Islands Resort. May I help you?" a female voice asked on the other end of the line.

"Yes, actually. This is Master Xemnas," the Superior informed the female.

"Oh! Master Xemnas! I hope you enjoyed your stay last night! How can I help you? You are one of our most valued customers, as our most frequent guest, and we would love to serve you in any way we can!" the woman gushed.

"Yes, well, I would like to make a reservation for this weekend…"

FIN.

Well guys, I hope you enjoyed it!!!! It made my sister laugh, so I hope you did too.

Disclaimer part 2: I do not own Neiman Marcus.


End file.
